


I Hope The Worst Isn’t Over

by tonkystank



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders has Intrusive Thoughts, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Janus and Roman are only mentioned, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, This is not Happy, song: No Children - The Mountain Goats, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonkystank/pseuds/tonkystank
Summary: I hope it stays dark foreverI hope the worst isn’t overAnd I hope you blink before I doAnd I hope I never get sober(aka a Remus vent fic)
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Kudos: 12





	I Hope The Worst Isn’t Over

**Author's Note:**

> rEAD THE TAGS THIS IS VERY TRIGGERING
> 
> Don’t examine this too closely
> 
> Just a Remus vent fic

_ And I hope when you think of me, years down the line _

_ You can't find one good thing to say _

_ And I hope that if I found the strength to walk out _

_ You'd stay the hell out of my way _

Fuck, he can never do anything right. 

Remus laid there on his completely disheveled bed, staring at the cracks in his ceiling with a whisky bottle in one hand. His cheeks were stained with tears that had long since stopped flowing.

Hurt and shame swirled in his chest. Why does he have to be the evil brother? Why can't he ever do anything right? Why can't he fucking comfort anyone, not even his own brother?

Why did he have to make some stupid fucking joke when Roman came to him, obviously upset, and just make it worse?

_ Why is he still alive? _

Don't get him wrong, he doesn't particularly want to die. Against all odds, Remus actually  _ likes _ living, and he's excited for the future and things he hasn't experienced yet.

But he doesn't deserve that. 

Remus is such a bad fucking person, he doesn't deserve life's beauty. 

All he does is hurt people and make their lives worse and it would be so easy if no one missed him.

He wants to get hurt, get hit by a train,  _ get kidnapped and raped, get killed in some back alleyway, get fucking tortured- _

He doesn't like pain, surprisingly, but he fucking deserves it.

_ The fresh healing cuts on his arms and legs agree with him _ .

And isn't that messed up, that in some way, he wants these life ruining things to happen to him? 

Remus gives a humorless little chuckle. God, he's so fucked up. 

Even though he should duck out, he doesn't want to. He doesn't know the effects that would have on Thomas, and he can't leave Janus alone like that.

Remus is sure that he's already hurting Janus by being in a relationship with him, but he doesn't want to hurt him more by ducking out. He loves him too much for that.

Remus takes another gulp of his whisky, barely feeling the burn. God, Janus deserves so much  _ better than him.  _

Sometimes he wishes Janus didn't care about him so much. Sometimes he wishes he didn't want to live as much as he did.

But he does, and he's awful for it when he knows the world ( _ and all the sides _ ) would be better off without him.

It's just a fact.

He's accepted it a long time ago.

Remus sighs, and stares at his ceiling, arms and thighs burning. He shakes his head, downing the rest of his whisky and wiping his face clean of any tears that might have escaped. 

Patton will be up to tell him dinner is ready soon, even if he's only going for Janus, and they all know that.

Remus takes a breath. 

It's fine, He's fine.

He's never been a good liar.

_ I am drowning  _

_ There is no sign of land  _

_ You are coming down with me _

_ Hand in unlovable hand  _

_ And I hope you die _

_ I hope we both die _


End file.
